I just learned a new word today, folks. Jelqing. ‘How do you conjugate that’, you ask?
I/You/We go jelqing ; They jelqed (huh?) He/She/It "jelqs". (Say, what?!)
Actually, "jelqing” is quite common, even ubiquitous in our ever-evolving, net-inspired lexicon. Or to put it more simply, jelqing refers to the most frequently spammed item in the history of the net-verse, ever. Ok, don't quote me on that, but I bet you have at least 10 unsolicited offers for "jelqing" in your inbox today fellas, except you may know it under the vaguely mysterious, euphemistic pairing, "male-enhancement". (You can just see me doing those air-quotes, right?)
Hands off that FLAG button, Dear Reader! This is a real thing.
Well, I think it’s a real thing, at least as much as a jackalope is real (I have photos of a real jackalope mounted on a wall in Arizona, so its got to be the real deal!)
Basically, “jelqing” is an all-encompassing term, referring to penile enlargement exercises or techniques aimed to increase the length and circumference of the penis, by manually adjusting blood flow and stretching the tissues.
There are varying accounts on the derivation of the term "jelqing". I prefer the rather exotic, almost anthropological origin theory in tribal African or Arabian cultures. Elders instruct young boys in the centuries old ‘jelqing’ techniques that herald their rite of passage into manhood. Other theories baldly claim that the term is simply a distortion of the word ‘jerking’, which rather succinctly, if crudely, describes the exercises.
All sniggering aside, “jelqing” or natural penile enlargement techniques, purport to successfully help achieve a larger, sustained erection requiring only the time to do the complete the regimen (10 to 60 minutes per day for months) and lubricant, to avoid chafing. If you think that any boy 12 and up is already a journeyman level “jelqer”, you would be mistaken. It is important to use the milking, jelq exercises only on flaccid to semi-erect penis, and not to do too many ‘jelqs’ too often, to avoid sustained injury.
Naturally, there are some side effects common to men on a jelqing program and these include, swelling, bruising and small red dots (tiny, pinprick hemorrhages), which are to be expected. Improper penile exercise technique could also cause painful urination, priapism (painful, sustained erection), the dreaded ‘baseball bat effect’ (need I say more?) or other urogenital complications.
Finally, there is one more effect to be aware of when using a massage regimen to increase the size and girth of the penis, and it would be that “jelqing” seems not to actually work. Or maybe it does, but only over a very long period of time devoted to the technique. Again, the jury is out but perhaps because persons most likely to engage in a “jelqing” regimen (young males) are least likely to commit to an extended, disciplined, uncomfortable (often painful), frustrating series of penis exercises long enough to find out if it actually works and then TELL someone about it.